Pandemic Parents: Making Meaning & Moving Forward
Pandemic Parents: Making Meaning & Moving Forward
A Reflection on My Pandemic Experience & Healing in Community
What a ride y’all. Being pregnant, giving birth and coming into motherhood - all during a global pandemic. I’ve been trying to make meaning out of it all, and part of my way of doing that has been to plan and lead pandemic grief support groups and workshop series for fellow “pandeparents.”
I have learned a lot along the way. And it’s left me with more questions than answers. But that in itself is an answer.
Let me explain.
I have been through a lot of chapters on this pandemic parenting journey. Let me start out by naming a few:
The Straight up Despair Phase: “...we’re going to live like this forever and nothing matters”
The Forced Positivity Phase: “Look how nice the weather is! I love going on walks in a pandemic!” (This phase didn’t last very long because silver linings are the worst…am I right?)
The Angry/Blaming Phase: “It’s my husband’s fault cause he works in healthcare!” (sorry husband) and “Seriously why can’t these people just follow masking recommendations, do they care at all?!” (ok still mad about that one)
The Mama Bear Phase: “Get back! You shall not pass! Don’t get anywhere near my child!”
The Gaslit Phase: “I must be crazy…did that really happen? No one seems worried about it anymore…so yeah…I must be crazy?”
And amidst all of these chapters and phases is such deep grief.
Do any of these phases resonate with you? What other phases did you go through?
One thing I have noticed is that naming our experiences can be really clarifying and helpful.
An “unprecedented” event like a pandemic is hard to process because…it’s all brand new to our minds and hearts. We have no guide book or previous experience with processing anything remotely similar.
We have to carve out our own path to healing.
Being postpartum in 2020 was definitely one of my levels of hell. I’ve never needed my support circle so much in my life, and it felt heartbreaking to have them so physically far away. Most people didn’t meet my son until he was well over a year old. The hypervigilance and anxiety of all the ups and downs - hope back to despair, back to hope then into fear, oh wait more hope…? - have left my body feeling disoriented and still on high alert.
I long for a resolution. I long for that time back. For some kind of redemption or justice. But life just…continues on. It is so beautiful to have moments with loved ones in person now AND it feels sad we had to miss out on so much joy.
Our recent pandemic parent series (which I created and led with my colleague and fellow WMY Collective Teacher, Erin Hanehan) was a meaningful and cathartic experience for me.
I had led virtual pandemic grief offerings, but this workshop series was the first offering in-person, and the first offering more focused on making meaning and moving forward. It was also an opportunity to connect with a consistent group of folks over the course of three 2-hour sessions.
It was healing. It was powerful. It was hard. It was joyful.
And for me, it was the beginning of the end of a portion of my pandemic journey. I will never not be curious about pandemic grief, but after this beautiful workshop series, I am ready to head in a different direction in my yoga and support group work. To what? I’m not sure, but in a season of life with so little closure I am embracing the “closing” of one chapter as the opening of another.
Participants from the Pandemic Parents: Making Meaning & Moving Forward series presented by Whole Mama Yoga, Created & Led by Jenna Horgan & Erin Hanehan
Here are some things we explored together in the workshop series Pandemic Parents: Making Meaning & Moving Forward:
Name your emotions and what you have been through: There is so much minimizing of this pandemic, but it is not a small thing. The world shut down and so many people died. It was/is a collective trauma. Being a parent during this time was and is uniquely challenging. Your story and your struggle matter. Tell your story. Write it down. Your suffering deserves space to be heard.
Make space for the grief: Grief doesn’t have to be a good hour long cry (although that sounds incredible). It can be a stinging moment, or tears in your eyes, or speaking out loud something that feels sad. It can be singing out loud (really loud) to a song in your car. It can be a sweaty yoga flow. It can be sobbing with a friend that turns into laughter. Grief can be anger, sadness, longing, disappointment, bargaining… What is important is to allow the grief in and acknowledge it.
Accept non-closure: In order to move forward we need acceptance that the pandemic isn’t going to end with a celebration and a bow on top. Our processing of the pandemic and how we feel about it doesn’t end either and will change over time, and that’s ok.
Create ritual: When we lose a loved one, there is usually a funeral or memorial service. Our missed moments and pandemic grief deserve that too. In our pandemic parents series, we closed our time together with a fire ritual where we chose what we needed to burn - a letter, a word/phrase, an emotion - something we felt ready to let go of. Other ideas might include: taking a flower to a river or creek and throwing the petals in one by one, planting a tree to remember your strength during a difficult time, writing a letter to your child(ren) or to yourself about your pandemic experience, creating a piece of art, a poem or a song. Invite a partner or a friend if you want - rituals are meant to be shared.
To my fellow pandemic parents – You are healing. We are healing. Spring reminds me of new life and growth in all directions. Keep growing, friends. You are doing amazing. See you on the mat.